Navigating Special Days and Holidays as a Doula

Special days and holidays can bring up lots of feelings and memories, and as a doula, it’s important to have a sense of how these days impact BOTH you and your client. Furthermore, it can be helpful to have a sense of how you can best show up for yourself and the clients you work with.

Holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, for example, can be really special and important for first time parents. On the other hand, these days might challenge your own boundaries if, for instance, you really want to spend the time with your own family! Remember that it is fine (and even great for sustainability) to put your home life first. It is just a matter of exploring and finding your boundaries and then having strong communication with your family and clients.

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Additionally, for some folks, these days bring up loss and grief. As a care worker, you may be holding space for people to have any and all of these feelings. Simultaneously, you may be having your own cocktail of emotions related to these special days. It’s key that you are tending to your own boundaries and needs first, so that you can be the supportive presence you want to be for your clients.

4 Ways to Navigate Special Days and Holidays as a Doula

1. Name your schedule boundaries up front. If you are taking on a birth or postpartum client whose due date or expected service dates are close to a special event or holiday that you want to protect, DO IT. Simply tell the family the dates you are unavailable, and if it’s a birth client, ensure you have a transparent backup plan that everyone feels good about.

2. Be creative with your own family. For some folks, celebrating on the actual day of a holiday is less important than carving out intentional time with your family. If this is you, encourage your family to be creative about the ways you celebrate. Perhaps you pick the weekend before or after to celebrate and spend time together or find a less conventional way to honor the day. In my family we started Birthday Weeks early on to accommodate the sometimes unexpected interruptions that came with on-call doula work.

3. Disclose only what you want to disclose. Very often, freshly postpartum clients may want to connect and relate and may ask you personal questions about yourself or your family. If difficult feelings or memories come up around certain holidays, you can hold whatever boundaries around disclosure that make you feel good, safe, and capable of caring for your clients. You might say something like, “This day is complicated in my family, and I prefer not to talk about it.” Or even “Figuring out family stuff is so personal. I think that what is important here is how do YOU want to handle this in YOUR family?” Deflection is an acceptable strategy.

4. If you’re working, make holidays special for/with your clients. If you’re up for it, you may choose to help clients celebrate by doing small but sweet extras around a holiday. You might bring them flowers or a small treat or help them set up decorations. This can be a nice way to connect with clients and help them feel seen in the midst of their big life transitions.

An Ongoing Practice

Boundaries take practice, and getting used to going with the flow of birthwork also takes practice. We encourage all new doulas to work with a mentor to help them navigate the intricacies of this sensitive, crucial work. Sharing your boundaries and challenges with a trusted person who truly gets it can make a world of difference. In ABG’s trainings, we ensure folks have a support network around them so they can navigate the complexities of this work like holidays.

Join Us for Postpartum Doula Training

ABG offers both online (self-paced) and in-person trainings for folks who are interested in becoming postpartum doulas. We’d love to be a part of your journey in offering postpartum care and education to growing families.

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*Photo credit: Bruno Nascimento on Unsplash